It is the cultural norm for married couples to have kids, so when you are married with no kids it can be isolating, where those around your age, much of their lives are centered around raising kids.
There is nothing wrong with this of course, but I turn that around…..does that make something wrong with me or us as a married couple to be childless?
Sadly, as Christians, I think the judgment might come even more.
Being fruitful and multiplying was a command in the beginning for human flourishing, but nowhere in the Bible does it mean that it was the will of God for everyone. I believe it is for most.
I have mulled this over in my mind for years. I’ve had many wilderness moments over it. God has always given me the grace to deal with the isolation, the judgments, the feelings. I truly believe that God is working this out in our lives for good according to His will.
I have prayed to God, about it, asking am I being selfish or unloving? Will my life not be fulfilled here on earth without children? Will I have no one to care for me when I’m old? Will I never know real joy the way those with children say?
On being selfish and unloving, I have a follow up question, is having children automatically the cure for selfishness and not being loving? I’ll leave it at that.
On an unfulfilled life due to not having children, my follow up question is much like the last, who is our ultimate fulfillment? Jesus said, “I am the resurrection and the life.” No amount of kids will fill the void that is meant for Christ alone.
On wondering who will care for me as I age, I am thankful that God has given me a husband and we care for each other in sickness and in health, the fact remains that one of us will be left. My follow up question is two fold, we really should not have kids with the thought of just having someone to care for us when we are old, that would be in itself a little selfish, and who can say that the kids won’t put you in a home only to carry on with their busy lives?
Who can we really depend on? The answer is God. He will provide, he will supply our needs. Do not worry about tomorrow for today has troubles of its own.
On will I never know real joy, Isn’t the joy of THE LORD my strength?
I’d like to make it clear, I love kids. Don and I are both teachers, and I don’t see my job as a surrogate to having kids, but I do see it as my ministry and kingdom work. God has ordered this whole thing in my life I am convinced of that. I won’t go into the whole story of how I became a piano teacher, but it was a God thing and He has shown me so much of Himself in this journey, and He has taught me more treasures than I can count. As Christians, it’s not having kids that is our number one commandment, it is being followers of Christ and shining His light to all the world.
Before she passed away, I talked with my childhood piano teacher/friend who also never had kids. She mentioned to me that she often wondered if she would have been able to give of herself to her students and families the way that she did had she had kids of her own and I could really relate with her on this.
What I see in my life so far is places God has taken me that have required total dependence on Him. If I would have had it my way and my comfort style, I would not have known the loving graciousness of God and my total need for Him. My feelings of isolation and not fitting in, my anxiety, my feelings of incompetence, these are all places God has brought me to know Him and trust him more fully. God also knows me better than I know myself and he knows what is best for me and how I will be the most fruitful in His kingdom. Some things He says yes to and others He gives a resounding no.
So I am here to say, God may or may not have children as part of your future. I know one thing, we can rejoice in knowing that God has a unique plan for everyone and it is good!
We all will face our places that God will bring us to and through, whether with kids or without. God knows our need.
He is our ultimate fulfillment!